I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
