Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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