So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont even know how to be here
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
