You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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