this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
