oh god the rape fog is back!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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