I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize