She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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