I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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