His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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