Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
