I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
