If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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