The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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