dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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