The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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