dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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