Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
