Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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