Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
