why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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