All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
