I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
