I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
