I hate all girls vehemently.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
