DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
