I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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