nut hugger
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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