dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
