Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
