I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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