worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
