Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
