one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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