I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
