My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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