After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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