just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
