I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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