I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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