whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
