Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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