i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
