On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
