I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
