making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize