i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My ATM looks so different sober.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
