Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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