Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
