If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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