I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize