Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
