i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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