I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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