yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
