I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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