trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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