I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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