i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
