Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
