too bad you live with your parents still
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
