She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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