Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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