If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
