apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
