Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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