I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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