You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your dad touched me again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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