Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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