In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
