Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
